I'm stress cleaning, how are you coping?

COVID musing #2

Depending on where you live in the US, we’re about one week into taking this virus very seriously. I don’t want to speak for you, but that’s my experience. What the #&%#& is going on? 

“Unprecedented”, “shelter in place”, “social distancing”, “hoarding toilet paper”, “self quarantine”, “pandemic”, “closed until further notice”, “graduation ceremony cancelled”, "exponential", “WFH set up”, “curb-side delivery”. These are all phrases that are part of our new normal.

How about: “stress eating”, Stress cooking”, “stress baking”, stress cleaning”? That's what I did Monday and Tuesday. I also practiced “Telehealth” with my clients. More people than ever know what that means - using computers or smartphones, along with technology, to remotely do a therapy session with clients. I’m grateful that we have the ability to connect remotely (and thank you to my clients open to the idea, you know who you are!) with people. Mostly for the CONNECTION, less the REMOTE. 

Healthcare workers around the world are using telehealth to screen patients to prevent overwhelming ERs where they may share the virus. But our healthcare workers are also putting themselves in harm's way as they do their jobs - NOT remotely. THANK YOU. I’m hearing and reading how they’re getting sick and how hard it is to reconcile their work with keeping themselves and their families well. There are no easy answers.

As a therapist who works with families and couples (as well as individuals) I am imagining the fallout of this health crisis on relationships and mental health. As we self quarantine for days...weeks...our coping skills may run thin. For some being with family is safe, for others it is not. For many it’s in-between. 

If we remember to exercise, eat healthy, get plenty of sleep, put our screens down and breathe, that may help, but it feels rather contrite to be giving that ‘advice’ right now. I don't know what you need any better than you. What I do know is that we are all going to be stretched thin and ‘living in the not knowing’ is HARD. And we’re all in this together. 

PS: "Control what we can control" tip of the day, if you use reusable cloth grocery bags, wash them in the washing machine - frequently!

Speak My Truth AND Listen?

Desiderata blog 3

“Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.”

My truth. My truth is not right or wrong. I’m entitled to have a unique perspective on things and so are you. Speaking my truth quietly and clearly is a skill I’ve been working on for 56 years (minus those I hadn’t learned to speak quite yet!). And yet, I’ve failed. In fact, I’ve failed in the times when I needed clarity and calmness the most. 

Why? Probably because I didn’t listen. How often do you find yourself in an argument with someone when you’re convinced you’re “right,” and after a cool down period, you later discover the other person actually had a fair point of view? It’s amazing how ‘on fire’ our brains can be when we’re triggered. 

When I ‘fail’, I do my best, after a brain-chill, to repair. Repair, often knows as ‘making an apology,’ saying “I’m sorry,” is one of the key components to healing and growth in relationships. 

“...the dull and ignorant..”, an interesting concept. I’d like to acknowledge that, at times, I’VE been both dull and ignorant. It’s not just ‘somebody else’ we’re referring to here, people! My interpretation is that having patience for self and others when they or we are not at our best is a gracious way to live. Especially in our most important relationships.  It’s a loving action to listen to people when it’s hardest. They too have their story.

(This is the 3rd in a series of posts about Desiderata - a poem I grew up reading every day because it was hanging on the wall in the bathroom. Seriously.)