LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

Desiderata blog 7

“Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.”

I love this excerpt because it suggests we can be both discriminating and trusting. Be careful but don’t be too cynical at the same time. How?

Well, I believe our bodies tell us pretty much all we need to know in order to make these judgement calls. And we need to listen to that body. How many times do you remember, only in hindsight, that you KNEW something in your gut but you didn’t listen to it? 

Let’s apply this concept to work and home. At work, if you’re honest with yourself, didn’t you know your coworker was sketchy but ignored your hunch, and later you got burned by that person when she or he claimed your idea as his or her own? At the same time, there are others who are deserving of your trust, even admiration. Your gut can help you figure out who is who. 

At home, I think we can all agree that sometimes teenagers lie. Yes, they try it out and hopefully learn soon enough that it’s not worth it. BUT, let that not blind us to how thoughtful, deep, creative, and funny they can be. All that in the same person! Remember to use our best instincts and speak up when we suspect something’s off about what they are professing. Our instincts are the hints our bodies give us.

Heroism is everywhere, believe it or not. Just look. But don’t be fooled by the shiniest penny - the person who might grab your attention first - she or he might not be the one who ultimately deserves your time and trust most. But there are a lot of us out there. 

Trust your gut and find us! Yes, I’m including myself in the “us”. I debated typing “them” or “us” because I don’t want to appear arrogant. I decided it was ok because I know I do do my best every day to live with integrity and high ideals. And I bet you do too - and we all likely hit the mark most of the time. The rest of the time we have some cleaning up to do. Welcome to the human race.

Ever Feel Vain or Bitter?

Desiderata blog 5
 
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”
 
OK, lovely people, I need to tell you that the above sentence, by far, runs most frequently through my head and comes out of my mouth more often than any other portion of the Desiderata. Hands down.
 
I need to remind myself of what is happening when I feel icky on either side of the spectrum. Too cocky? Oh, I’m comparing and coming out on top. Feeling fierce? I’m comparing and losing the game.
 
How often do you tell yourself (most likely not even true) that this or that person has a better or worse set of circumstances than you? And as the result, what’s the ensuing feeling?
 
How briefly satisfying is that vain/smug feeling? Interestingly, does the bitter feeling associated with seeing others as “better than you” last longer? Wow.
 
How about we do away with both ways of comparing? Since I grew up re-re-re-re reading the Desiderata, I’ve done my best to follow this suggestion throughout my life. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel envious or smug at times. I just don’t spend a lot of time there. Seems like a waste of time.
 
How about you? What can you do instead? I believe all of our time is best spent loving the people we care about the most, including ourselves, and letting the rest go...

Speak My Truth AND Listen?

Desiderata blog 3

“Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.”

My truth. My truth is not right or wrong. I’m entitled to have a unique perspective on things and so are you. Speaking my truth quietly and clearly is a skill I’ve been working on for 56 years (minus those I hadn’t learned to speak quite yet!). And yet, I’ve failed. In fact, I’ve failed in the times when I needed clarity and calmness the most. 

Why? Probably because I didn’t listen. How often do you find yourself in an argument with someone when you’re convinced you’re “right,” and after a cool down period, you later discover the other person actually had a fair point of view? It’s amazing how ‘on fire’ our brains can be when we’re triggered. 

When I ‘fail’, I do my best, after a brain-chill, to repair. Repair, often knows as ‘making an apology,’ saying “I’m sorry,” is one of the key components to healing and growth in relationships. 

“...the dull and ignorant..”, an interesting concept. I’d like to acknowledge that, at times, I’VE been both dull and ignorant. It’s not just ‘somebody else’ we’re referring to here, people! My interpretation is that having patience for self and others when they or we are not at our best is a gracious way to live. Especially in our most important relationships.  It’s a loving action to listen to people when it’s hardest. They too have their story.

(This is the 3rd in a series of posts about Desiderata - a poem I grew up reading every day because it was hanging on the wall in the bathroom. Seriously.)

Wisdom from a 96 year old

Speaking of relationships, (as I constantly do, just ask my husband!) I have a lovely relationship with a 96-year-old man who happens to be my step-father. He’s also a recent widower. 

Since my mother died in December I believe he’s been quite lonely. They were married later in life and were able to enjoy 16 wonderful years together. What a gift. He’s made a lot of changes since she passed as well as continuing something he and my mom had done all their years together. He sends his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren cards marking all birthdays and anniversaries. And he does the same for all of my siblings (seven!) and our children and grandchildren. That’s no easy feat.

Consequently, we are staying in touch. Certainly more than if he wasn’t consistently mailing lovely notes. In our last round of correspondence he wrote a few things I deemed worthy of sharing, and with his permission, here goes:

With all of Bill’s education, (MIT) wisdom, and work experience running a large technology business near Boston for decades (GenRad), here’s what he came up with, to sum up his life, and I quote:

“I thought of two four-word statements - one to express my optimistic view of my own life to date ("So far, so good!") and the other to express the goal for my future life (“Just keep going.”)”

That’s all. How wonderful that Bill is able to see his 96 years so simply...” so far, so good!”  The wisdom I read into his summation is that life doesn’t have to be so complicated. Yes, we all face challenges, and no life is perfect, it shouldn’t be, (how, then would we learn?) but in the long run, a positive attitude like Bill’s goes a long way toward a long life well lived. 

And to quote a portion of the Desiderata that my sister in law Pamela read at my mother’s memorial, “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”