Perfection Illusion

“Perfection is eating us from the inside out.” 

I can’t take credit for the insight associated with the above quote. Like many interesting and helpful things my clients and I  co-create, this one came from my client, not out of any advanced graduate school textbooks.

 Here’s what I take from it...

 Somewhere along the way some of us decided that perfection is the pursuit; the goal. It’s a ‘pro-social’ concept. “Pursuit of perfection” makes a powerful statement if you’re writing ads for Lexus, but not if it’s driving you as a human being. 

 When working with people I do my best to reframe “perfect” to “ideal.” Ideal is not perfect, it’s awesome. 

 How wonderful to have the ideal body for your actual frame and height and age...with that ‘ideal’ concept ever evolving as you learn more about nutrition and healthy exercise.

 How great to be in an ideal relationship because you’ve worked your asses off to show up as your truest selves, see and hear each other, and clean up ruptures regularly, fairly soon after they happen (which they WILL, even in ideal relationships!)

 How wonderful to find the ideal learning environment for YOU? One in which you fit well, are understood, and find your way to grow at your pace, with opportunities to push yourself toward excellence.

 None of the above scenarios are perfect because perfect doesn’t exist...except maybe in a flower or a newborn’s tiny fingers. 

On Multitasking...

I was driving to work yesterday and noticed my mind was racing with all sorts of Monday morning thoughts. I started seriously wondering how I drive and think at the same time. And then I realized that THAT thought alone was distracting. What am I supposed to do?

We talk a lot about distracted driving when we imagine driving and using a device. What about driving and having to manage all the thoughts that swirl through our minds. Isn't that distracted driving too?

Here's a sample of my thought process in less than 30 seconds later yesterday:

"...I need directions to my doctor's appointment, she moved, why did she move? Is it more convenient to have an office at the hospital? Billy Joel ad on the radio: I like Billy Joel, he's playing at stadiums all over the country all summer long, my husband loves him, should I get tickets to one of his concerts? Where, which one? For our anniversary in May? Should I take 95 or Post Road. I need to call that client back. When I'm I getting that rug for my office? How are my kids doing? Can my husband meet me for lunch? When will I hear back from that colleague? What's the temperature outside? Do I have a hat? Am I going to be late? Where do I park...?

There is so much available to see, hear, learn, smell, touch, and think about at all times, how can we discern what's important and let the rest go? How can we, how can I, take one thing at a time and NOT multitask? When did multitasking (or the illusion we can multitask) become such a popular concept? I think it coincided with the onset of technology enabling us to have access to 'the world of everything' 24/7. 

I love asking questions. Do I always have answers? Absolutely not. But I do have ideas and thoughts, (see above! ha ha) lots of thoughts. One thought is that we have choices. We can choose to focus on one thing at a time. Driving really safe. Connecting with loved ones. Paying bills. Washing dishes.

With all this in mind I've started an experiment this week. I'm practicing NOT multitasking. It actually makes me laugh as I type this but my modern example is choosing to read my book on a kindle instead of an ipad. I know, I know, reading an actual book would be another good choice, but my current book (The Things We Wish Were True) happens to be on my kindle. The reason reading on a kindle is not multitasking is because no updates, emails, or texts can pop up as I read. I'm putting my phone and ipad aside and enjoying reading, just reading. And I like it.

What would you like to do this week to invite more peace and less multitasking into your life?