Honoring My Sister

Losing Carol

This weekend marked the first family ritual without my sister. We all came together to celebrate a family wedding…without Carol. Grief. Loss. More grief. More loss. An immeasurable amount of tears. Mixed with beauty, inspiration, and hope. Funny how that works.

During the reception I was reminded that we all have been touched by loss; even tragedy. Even on the happiest of days it’s important to remember those no longer on this earth. I was caught breathless by the photo tribute to those lost too early. Ouch.

Carol passed away peacefully after a 27 year battle with breast cancer…metastatic for 15. Heavy. She was my older sister and I loved her dearly. She touched many lives with her quiet strength; her kindness, evidenced by the outpouring of love and messages since December.

Two weeks ago, several hundred people gathered in her honor. She wanted it to be a celebration of her life, not a “memorial” or a funeral. That’s Carol. She was positive, loving, gentle, and kind. And she knew what was important. I write these words in tribute to her, past tense. This is so hard. The tears still come; unexpectedly. Like right now.

The best I can glean from this awful situation is that the deep sorrow I (and many others) feel must have some purpose. Yes, I hurt more than I ever have in my 56 years, but my joy is oddly increasing as well. Maybe it’s the appreciation for each breath I have the privilege to take. 

I believe sharing grief with others, whether it’s with family members or with people I have the honor to sit with in my work, has exponentially increased my capacity to feel and empathize with their experiences.

Carol, your life was well lived and you will never be forgotten. Your legacy lives on through your husband, lovely ladies, sweet granddaughter, and many more.